You may have heard – this year’s biggest auction item is… (drum roll, please)… Mr. Rochford’s hair. That’s right – the high bidder will have the right, the duty, the pleasure of shearing Chris Rochford’s lovely locks, his tremendous tresses. Mr. Rochford generously has offered up his head in service of the P.S. 39 community.
I had the chance to chat with Mr. Rochford about this momentous decision, and thought you might enjoy hearing what he had to say in advance of the upcoming auction (on April 21st):
JW-P: Tell us a little about your relationship with your hair?
CR: That’s a funny story. We’ve been together, for what 
seems like, forever. It hasn’t always been, all Suave and Aqua Net. It wanted to go right. I wanted to go left. The eighties were a tough decade for us. We blew up in the nineties. We were an innovating hair sculpting phenomenon. We took Best Hair in the International Hair Awards. Which was held in my apartment. So, I guess you can say my hair and I have really grown together.JW-P: When did you first realize that shaving your head might be of value to the school? How?
CR: I was hanging out with my hair, reading The Giving Tree. It hit us like a bad perm. We knew that we do not do enough for the 39 community. We needed to do more. Something fantastic and hysterical, something that will beat the hell out of a dozen eggs. I hope my selfless act of love for all of the 39 families will inspire others to give all they can.
JW-P: Have you ever shaved your head before?
CR: I shaved my head about ten years ago. I looked like a skinny tanned new recruit. It really shaved me a few seconds on my bathroom time. The majority of my morning routine is admiring my good looks and flexing in the mirror. If I had mirrors all over my house, I would never leave.
JW-P: What's the longest your hair's ever been? The shortest?
CR: My hair once reached the length of eight inches. Which really means six inches.
JW-P: How often do you shampoo? Condition? Color?
CR: On the regular. Conditioner is an anti-spiking hair product. Fascists invented it. I vowed never to dye my greying hair. I am beautiful, bold and unapologetically honest.
JW-P: Have you ever known anyone to be wounded in a head shaving accident? Does this concern you?
CR: I’ve heard that a few cowboys had bad experiences. Britney Spears was not in the right frame of mind, the poor thing. I have no concerns at all. I know that auction guests will be gracious and sensitive to my emotionality that night. JW-P: How much do you imagine your hair, completely shorn, would weigh?
CR: My guess is one peanut M&M.
JW-P: To what use (if any) do you intend to put your shorn hair?
CR: I would like to see my hair used to make authentic voodoo dolls and auctioned off next year. That way I’m giving twice.
JW-P: May I run my hands through your hair before it's shorn?
CR: I have been waiting for you ask, Josh. Both before and after I want to have my head treated like the luck stump at the Apollo Theatre.
JW-P: What hair products do/did you use?
CR: Studio Line Clean Gel
JW-P: What's the most you've ever spent on a haircut?
CR: I once spent $75. I could have done a better job using a Flowbee. JW-P: How much gel do you use in an average week?
CR: Trade secret.
JW-P: How long have you dyed your hair? ;-)
CR: I dyed my hair once. In college I striped it platinum blonde. I walked around in a trench coat. I thought I was Kiefer Sutherland in “The Lost Boys.”
JW-P: Do you have any grooming technique recommendations?
CR: Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
JW-P: Who are your hairstyle icons?
CR: Currently – Robert Downey Jr., George Clooney, Jason Herskowitz
Soon to be – Vin Diesel, Mr. Clean and Josh Wolf-Powers
- Josh Wolf-Powers is father of Sasha, in Ms. Fedeli’s 2nd-grade class.
